Gay St. Patrick’s Day #PinkInOurLives #PinkPress

Every March 17, we’re provided with an excuse to get drunk and make fools of ourselves—not that we needed one. And though St. Patrick’s Day isn’t usually thought of as a gay holiday—quite the opposite, in some cases—there are a few facets of the festival that are downright queer.

Beards

The kind you wear on your face, not the one you marry—although that offers some extra queer overtones, too. Guys who slap on faux beards suddenly become this month’s bear centerfold, and women who don fake facial hair on St. Pat’s Day are being all kinds of gender transgressive.

Speaking the Mother Tongue

Ireland’s native language is Gaelic—I heartily endorse any holiday that encourages straight people to say “gay lick” repeatedly.

The Parade

You might think us gays invented pride parades, but the Irish were marching in the streets back when they were treated like second-class citizens. By gathering en masse, they challenged people to accept them. Over the years, it became less about historical significance and more about having a party.

Guinness

Thick. Dark. Smooth. Creamy. Good head. Six pack. Your beer sounds like a Grindr profile, bro.

Famous gay Irish people

Oscar Wilde was more Irish than the Lucky Charms leprechaun and gayer than a 3:00pm brunch. Also gay and Irish? Francis Bacon, Graham Norton, Stephen Gately and (at one point) Sinead O’Connor. Irish-American lesbians can count Rosie O’Donnell and NYC mayor hopeful among their numbers.

Wearing of the Green

Whenever people plan costume requirements for their shindig, I hear Miss Vida Boheme from Too Wong Foo in my head saying, “This party craves a theme.” Your holiday has a dress code? That’s drag-caliber gay.

Drunk Straight Guys

No one likes a obnoxious frat boy drunkenly vomiting in the gutter. But a straight dude that’s just “drunk enough” can be a blessed thing. Look, it’s an exciting day, everyone’s had a lot of whiskey, and that “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” button doesn’t specify who should plant that smooch. Besides, in the morning he can just pretend he doesn’t remember anything.